The marriage of a 74-year-old Malaysian man and a 28 year old woman created quite a buzz. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.

Old man eats tender grass

The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, ‘This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?’

The old man grinned and said, ‘You got to keep the old motor running.’

The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child. The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman.

She said, ‘Sir, you are something else. How do you manage it?’

The old man grinned and said, ‘You gotta keep the old motor running.’

A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child.

The same nurse was there for this birth also and, after the delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said, ‘Well, you surely are something else! How do you do it?’

The old man replied, ‘It’s like I’ve told you before, you gotta keep the old motor running.’

The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said: ‘Well, I guess it’s time to change the oil. This one’s black.’

Black baby boy

Yes, dating sometimes sucks. And first dates are almost predictably bad. Many first dates are doomed before they even start. This is not because the couple is mismatched or there is anything wrong with the individuals themselves. Many times, dates are doomed because of forgotten wallets, nightmare destinations, inappropriate inebriation and other awkward scenarios.

First date gone bad

A lot goes on in the minds of men and women during a first date or first encounter. Both are rating the other while simultaneously hoping the other is rating them high. But are men and women evaluating the other on similar grounds? For the most part, the answer is no. Check out this video as one example of how men and women view first dates differently.

While this video is comical and depicts some stereotypes of how men and women think, it sheds light on an important point. Men and women are not looking for the same thing when they first meet a potential date. Most women look at a man�s long term potential. While not all women will think whether this a guy she would marry, they might be thinking whether this a guy she could have a long meaningful relationship with.

Men, on the other hand, don�t often think so long-term on a first date. Many men look at a first date and evaluate their level of attraction for their date while trying to judge their date�s level of attraction for them. This doesn�t mean that men are only interested in sex or in a physical relationship. It simply means that men and women judge each other differently on a first date. Many men have said they would not pursue a long term relationship with a woman who sleeps with him on a first date. So, though he may think about sex right away and even want it, he is looking for a deeper connection and will respect a woman who does not jump into bed with him right away.

Men & women think differently

On your next date, bear in mind that you and your date are probably not accessing each along the same lines. And take a lesson from this video by not jumping to a conclusion too quickly. Always remain open-minded to your date � and for more than 5 to 15 minutes!

I got this story of the worst date ever by email from my brother. I wish I had seen the Tonight Show in question but even reading this made me laugh so hard I almost got cramps.

If you didn’t see this on the Tonight Show, I hope you’re sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!

We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience.

There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter…Snowing and quite cold… and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah.

It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere!

Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.

Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn’t have good footing, so she let her bottom rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car’s fender.

Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her bottom from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date’s concerns about’ what is taking so long’ with a reply that indeed, she was ‘freezing her bottom off’ and in need of some assistance! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.

Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.

So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and urinated her bottom off the fender.

As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be ‘pants down.’

And you thought your first date was embarrassing.

Jay Leno’s comment…’This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.’

Oh and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.

Bill Gates with a tightened smirk on his face as he tries to keep his composure when he hears this story, lol!

If you laughed at this, pass it on. If you didn’t laugh, you need a better sense of humor.

This true story teaches the importance of humor – you really can make it through the most embarrassing situations if you know how to laugh at yourself.

And the next time you think you have a bad date, just think of this story.

Sir Richard Branson has what it takes to run an airline, but can he do it in high heels and a form-fitting red suit? This may just be the Virgin Atlantic head honcho�s new uniform when he shows up for his shift as Air Asia�s newest recruit.

If you fancy watching Branson totter down the aisle in high heels pushing a trolley loaded with snacks and drinks, then you may want to consider bidding for a seat on the Air Asia X Kuala Lumpur to London flight on February 21. You could find yourself being offered �Coffee, tea or me?� by the richest air hostess on earth – airline owner Sir Richard Branson.

Coffee, Tea or Me?

The Virgin Atlantic founder is to dress up as a flight attendant after he lost a bet over which team would fare better in the last Formula 1 season.

Branson, who owns the Virgin Racing Team, had bet that his team would do better than the Lotus Racing team of Air Asia�s owner Datuk Seri Tony Fernandes.

Fernandes, the Lotus Racing team principal, had challenged Branson to dress up as a flight attendant and serve on AirAsia if the tycoon�s Virgin Racing ended the season behind Lotus.

Branson accepted, on condition that Fernandes would do the same on Virgin Atlantic�s London-Lagos route if the AirAsia boss lost.

The bet is on.

Despite both teams failing to score any championship points throughout the season, Malaysian-backed Lotus Racing finished ahead of Virgin Racing in all but two races (in Italy and Singapore).

After the season�s final race at the sensational Yas Marina circuit in Abu Dhabi, Lotus finished in 10th spot while Virgin finished last among the 12 teams in the overall team rankings, which means Branson� has lost his bet.

Branson loses the bet!

�Branson will have to serve and even clean the toilets throughout the flight while wearing the high heels and the red AirAsia stewardess uniform,” Fernandes said.

�We want him to shave his legs. We are going to try and get him to shave his legs and wear some make-up. But we will leave his moustache alone as it is his trademark,� Fernandes said.

Branson, who has already received his AirAsia badge and uniform for the Kuala Lumpur-London charity flight on AirAsia, has been a good sport about the whole deal, added Fernandes.

Seats on the special AirAsia Kuala Lumpur to London flight will be auctioned off soon, with the proceeds going to charity. The charity will be chosen by Branson.

Fernandes said: �It�s time for Richard to start preparing himself for some hard work � and the likely pain of a pair of high heels!�

�We have agreed that we will run an online charity auction for the seats on the route to raise money for a charity of Richard�s choice and give fans of both teams the chance to be on the flight.

�The aim is to raise as much money as we can for a good cause � So the discomfort Richard will have to go through will be worth as much as it possibly can be.�

Iliza Vie Shlesinger is the youngest and the first female winner of NBC�s Last Comic Standing in the sixth season series.

Iliza Shlesigner...winner of the Last Comic Standing

Iliza, born February 22, 1983, is an American comedian from Dallas, Texas, where she attended Greenhill School and participated on the school�s Improv Team. She attended the University of Kansas for her freshman year. She then transferred to Emerson College in Boston and majored in Film. At the college, Iliza joined Jimmy�s Traveling All Stars, a comedy sketch group at her campus, and that was where she started to advance her skills.

After Iliza Shlesinger took off from college, she proceeded to Los Angeles to pursue a career as a stand-up. She joined a group of �White Boy Comedy�, where the members turned out to be the most popular stand-up comedians in Los Angeles.

In 2007, Iliza Shlesinger won Myspace�s So You Think You�re Funny contest and has been featured as the G4 network�s Myspace Girl of the Week.

Iliza Shlesinger

She is the first female to win Last Comic Standing. She was twice selected by other comedians to compete in the head-to-head eliminations and won both times. She is host of The Weakly News on TheStream.tv.

She is a very pretty comic, that is for sure.

Her television credits include E! Network�s Forbes Celebrity 100, E!TV Guide�s America�s Next Top Producer, Byron Allen�s Comics Unleashed, and History Channel�s History of a Joke. She has written for Heavy.com, had her own show on GOTV�s mobile network and currently hosts The Weakly News with Iliza Shlesinger and Alexis on TheStreamTV.

Are you bored with nothing to do and perhaps looking for a good laugh? Try this.

1. Go to Google Maps.

2. Go to “Get Directions”.

3. Type Japan as the start location.

4. Type China as the end destination.

5. Read STEP 43 of the directions.

Google Maps Japan to China

Wanna have some more fun?

1. Go to Google Maps.

2. Go to “Get Directions”.

3. Type China as the start location.

4. Type Taiwan as the end destination.

5. Read STEP 55 of the directions.

Lol!

Here’s another one.

1. Go to Google Maps.

2. Go to “Get Directions”.

3. Type New York as the start location.

4. Type Japan as the end destination.

5. Read STEP 31 of the directions.

The people behind Google Maps are humorous folks, no doubt about that! Hahahaha!

Aliens love to have sex with farmers if there is any truth to the stories of Meng Zhaoguo and Antonio Villas Boas.

Meng Zhaoguo, a Chinese farmer, claimed that he had sex with an alien when he was working in Heilinjiang�s Wuchang city in 1994. Seeing a metallic object shimmering on a mountainside, he went to investigate as he thought it was likely a downed helicopter.� As he approached the object, he blacked out.

Meng Zhaoguo

Upon regaining consciousness, he was confused and unable to communicate with other people. And he also developed an extreme phobia of anything made of iron.

Later that night, a female humanoid came and asked to have sex with him. She was three metres tall, had 12 fingers and braided leg hair.

So the farmer and the robust extra-terrestrial seductress had intimate moments – while levitating – for about 40 minutes, he claimed.

“I didn’t believe in aliens before I actually met them,” he tells China Daily. “Seeing is believing. We cannot explain UFOs and aliens because our technology isn’t advanced enough. But that doesn’t mean such things don’t exist.”

Meng describes the extraterrestrials he says he met – he had a second encounter with others after he met the female – as speaking Chinese.

“The aliens showed me a piece of crystal, through which I saw forests, icebergs and fossil fuels on the Earth,” he says. “They told me about the current situation facing Earth’s resources and warned me about the importance of environmental protection.”

But that’s not all they told him, he says.

“They said that 60 years from then, there will be an alien born with the genes of an earthling farmer, and I can meet him or her,” he says, referring to the offspring he says he sired with the extra-terrestrial female.

Meng’s account is met with both skepticism and belief – not only by the general public, but also the country’s growing community of ufologists, who study reports of unidentified flying objects (UFOs).

While many within China’s ufology community are skeptical of abduction reports such as Meng’s, International Chinese UFO Association sighting investigation department head Zhang Jingping believes people should remain open-minded.

Yes, I should be open-minded as our mind, like a parachute, only works when it is open. I am open-minded….I am open-minded. But I can’t help thinking of the Na’vi tribe in Avatar. They are about 3 metres tall so in terms of height, they fit Meng’s description of his alien seductress. Hey, Meng, have you been watching too much Avatar and get yourself infatuated with Neytiri?

Maybe Meng was dreaming of having sex with Neytiri of the Na'vi tribe

“We have invented aircraft, and we have landed on the moon. Why is it impossible that aliens are visiting us?” says the 42-year-old. Zhang has led research on Meng’s case, including arranging for police to administer a lie detector test on Meng.

Amazingly, Meng passed the lie detector test.

Meng�s case bears similarity to the adventure of 23-year-old Antonio Villas Boas that occurred on 16 October 1957 in Brazil. Antonio�s sexual encounter with an alien is probably the most famous case of interstellar intercourse.

Antonio was ploughing a field on the family farm when the engine of his tractor cut out; at the same time, an object with purple lights descended from the sky.

Four aliens then climbed out of this ufo craft and grabbed him, they then forced him to get into the craft. The appearance of the aliens was they were around 5 feet tall, with big heads, much larger then a normal human head. When on board this strange alien craft Antonio was forced to strip. His body was then bathed in a strange liquid that had no smell and no color. The aliens were wearing strange grey suits, gloves with five fingers, and helmets. The aliens communicated in a strange language that Antonio could not understand. They cut his skin and took samples of his blood.

After a while they left him alone, naked in a circular room. Fumes were pumped into this room, and it smelled horrible, and this made Antonio throw up. He soon felt better when a naked alien female walked in. She looked human in appearance, about 4.7 feet tall, fair skin and high cheekbones. Her eyes were blue, but oriental in shape. Her face wide, with a thin chin, blond hair, which Antonio said had to be bleached blond because the hair under her arm pits and pubic hair was bright red. Despite her quite strange appearance, Antonio became sexually excited.

Antonio Villas Boas and the aliens

Antonio said, she had the best body he had ever seen on a woman, high, perked breasts, narrow waist, broad hips, small feet and hands, and very petite. When the alien woman made it very clear what she wanted, Antonio got very excited, holding her and responding to her ‘come on’. She behaved like a normal woman in a sexual sense.

Apparently, Antonio had sexual intercourse with the alien female twice. The sex was pleasing, but Antonio said he would have preferred a real human woman because the alien female could not talk. She could not kiss either, and other then kiss, she playfully nibbled his chin, which he thought was probably the equivalent of kissing.

The pair had sex twice, but the female alien still took another sperm sample from Antonio and stored it in a test tube. Before she departed the alien female rubbed her stomach and pointed up to the sky. Antonio thought that this meant she was going to have his baby, somewhere out there, not on this earth.

Antonio was convinced that was what it was all about, a human stud to provide good genes in order to improve their stock. He enjoyed the sex, but he did go on to say that the female alien almost spoiled the whole sexual moment at one stage because she was grunting and making noises like an animal.

Antonio was given a guided tour of the spacecraft, which he said was encased in a dome, and had a strange green light. After the tour the aliens took him to the exit and made it clear that he could go home. His alien abduction sexual encounter had lasted for over 4 hours.

The only proof that this strange experience ever took place was that after the encounter, Antonio felt sick, had bad headaches, burning eyes, sleep loss, and came out in strange wounds on his arms and legs that left scars.

Antonio visited Dr. Olavo Fontes from Brazil�s National School Of Medicine who ran extensive tests on Antonio Villas Boas and surprisingly found that Boas had at some point in the recent past been exposed to a large dose of radiation.

Boas undergoing medical tests shortly after his encounter

Antonio went on to become a successful lawyer and still stood by his story over 30 years later.Equally lurid stories of sexual liaisons with UFO occupants came from the world-famous contactees of the 1950s. Howard Menger, for one, had regular meetings with Marla, a beautiful blonde from space who claimed to be 500 years old. She projected “warmth, love and physical attraction,” which he found irresistible. Menger divorced his wife to marry Marla (aka Connie Weber).

From July 1952, Truman Bethurum had many meetings with Aura Rhanes, the captain of a flying saucer, whom he found to be “tops in shapeliness and beauty”. Bethurum’s wife wasn’t so impressed with this “queen of women” and cited Rhanes in her divorce petition.

Truman Bethurum's sketch of Aura Rhanes

From the late Forties to the early Sixties, female contactees in contrast to today’s female abductees are few and far between. This is more than made up for by the astonishing story of Elizabeth Klarer, who in 1956 fell in love with Akon, a scientist who took her to his home planet, Meton. There, he seduced her, saying: “Only a few are chosen for breeding purposes from beyond this solar system to infuse new blood into our ancient race.”

Elizabeth Klarer

This smooth talk worked. “I surrendered in ecstacy to the magic of his lovemaking,” she wrote later.

Klarer said their “magnetic union” produced a perfect and highly intelligent son named Ayling.

She was sent back to South Africa alone and died in 1994; her starman and son live on somewhere beyond Alpha Centauri. Rather ordinary tales of ‘contact’ are thus transformed into heroic fantasies of youthful virility.

Scientific ufologists, more interested in ‘hard’ evidence (like radar traces, photographs and forensic samples) condemn this ‘wet’ material as too subjective, relegating claims of sexual assault and abduction to the fields of psychology and folklore (which they likewise distrust).

When ufologist John Keel visited college communities in Northeast America during the mid-1960s, several young women told him they had been raped by aliens, and young men confessed that aliens had extracted their semen.

By the 1970s, the idea of hybrid ‘space babies’ was more widely known but taken seriously only by UFO cultists who, said Keel, feared, that “the flying saucer fiends are engaged in a massive biological experiment creating a hybrid race which will eventually take over the Earth.”

A decade later, these notions were part of mainstream ufology. Serious researchers some of them academics, like John E. Mack and David Jacobs openly declared their belief that the ‘Greys’ were taking sperm and ova from human abductees. It was common to hear female abductees tell of being impregnated, of the fetus taken from their wombs, and of later being shown their hybrid babies in a nursery on a flying saucer.

In the 1970s, a 19-year-old Californian girl attributed the birth of a blue-skinned, web-footed baby to being gang raped by six blue-skinned web-footed humanoids who attacked her after she watched their spaceship land on a beach.

Reading about all these stories of sex with aliens, I just cannot help myself from chuckling. And I will just end this post with this joke about sex with aliens. And if your wife or girlfriend has been pulling your ears when you are making love to her, you will now understand why, hahaha!

One night a flying saucer landed in the back yard of Tim and Ingrid of Pasadena, Texas. Two attractive aliens, one male and one female, emerged from the saucer and introduced themselves as Martians. They told their hosts they had come to planet Earth to conduct an experiment.

Tim asked, “What do you want from us?”

The experiment was research on having sex with Earthlings, the aliens replied. “Would you two like to assist us with or experiment?”

Tim and Ingrid thought it over and said okay. Tim took the female alien into one bedroom and Ingrid took the male alien into the other bedroom. After the male was undressed, Ingrid looked him over and started laughing. The alien asked what was so funny. Ingrid replied, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have laughed…It’s just that you’re not large enough to satisfy any woman on Earth!”

The alien replied, “No problem. Watch this.” He grabbed his ears and his penis grew 10 inches.

With a smile, Ingrid exclaimed, “Now that’s more like it!”

A few hours later, after the aliens had gone, Tim asked Ingrid, “Did you enjoy sex with the alien?”

“It was fantastic.”, replied Ingrid. Ingrid asked, “How about you. Did you enjoy sex with the alien?”

Tim replied, “It was okay except she kept pulling my ears.”

Why is he staring at us?