You think English is easy???

Read to the end . . . A new twist

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce .

3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish Furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row

13. They were too close to the Door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..

19. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

You lovers of the English Language might enjoy this .

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is ‘UP.’

It’s easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don’t give UP, you may wind UP with a
hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn’t rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, s0 it is time to shut UP!

Oh . . . …………..one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night? U-P

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I got this from an email sent to me by my eldest brother. It is quite a useful piece of information and it seems genuine but I cannot vouch for its accuracy. Anyway try it out on your mobile phone. I have tried it on my old antique Nokia and the 7th and 8th digit on my phone is 00 so my phone was manufactured in the original factory and is of the best quality…ha ha! Hmmm…maybe I should write an amazing life story about this phone and sell it on eBay one day!

Would you like to knowthe quality ofyour mobile phone?

Press the following on your mobile *#06# and the-international mobile equipment identity number appears. Then check the 7th and 8th numbers:

1

2

3

4

5

6

7 th

8 th

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

Phone serial no.

x

x

x

x

x

x

?

?

x

x

x

x

x

x

x

IF the Seventh & Eighth digits are 02 or 20 this means your cell phone was assembled in China.. Its quality is low.

IF the Seventh & Eighth digits are 08 or 80 this means your cell phone was manufactured in Germany. Its quality is fair.

IF the Seventh & Eighth digits are 01 or 10 this means your cell phone was manufactured in Finland.It is very good.

IF the Seventh & Eighth digits are 00 this means your cell phone was manufactured in original factory.It is of the best quality.

IF the Seventh & Eighth digits are 13 this means your cell phone was assembled in Azerbaijan.It is ofvery bad quality and also dangerous for your health!

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A man opened his wife’s underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package.

“This isn’t any ordinary package.” he said.

He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box.

“She got this the very first time we went to New York, 8 or 9 years ago. She had never put it on as she was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is it.”

He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing he was taking to the funeral house. His wife had just died.

He turned to his friend and said, “Never save something for a special occasion. Every day of your life is a special occasion.”

Those words changed the life of his friend. Since then, his friend often sits on the porch without worrying about anything. He spends more time with his family, and less at work. He understands that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through. He no longer keeps anything for a special occasion.

He uses crystal glasses every day. He’d wear new clothes to go to the supermarket if he feels like it. He does not save his special perfume for special occasions….he uses it whenever he wants to.

The words ‘Someday’ and ‘One day’ are fading away from his vocabulary. If it is worth seeing, listening or doing, he wants to see, listen or do it now.

He is unsure what his friend’s wife would have done if she knew she wouldn’t be there the next morning. She might have called her relatives and closest friends. She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels. She might go out for Chinese food which was her favorite.

It is these small little things that we would regret not doing if we know our time has come.

Each day, each hour, each minute is special. Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one.



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At first glance, it would seem that positive thinking and Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) have nothing to do with one another. But many of us with ADD develop negative thinking patterns because we become frustrated by our challenges and frequent feelings of being overwhelmed. This negative outlook then makes it even harder for us to manage those challenges and move forward.

Practicing positive thinking allows people with ADD to focus on our strengths and accomplishments, which increases happiness and motivation. This, in turn, allows us to spend more time making progress, and less time feeling down and stuck. The following 10 tips provide practical suggestions that you can use to help you shift into more positive thinking patterns and start taking control of your life:

1. Take Good Care of Yourself
It’s much easier to be positive when you are eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest.

2. Remind Yourself of the Things You Are Grateful For
Stresses and challenges don’t seem quite as bad when you are constantly reminding yourself of the things that are right in life. Taking just 60 seconds a day to stop and appreciate the good things will make a huge difference.

3. Look for the Proof Instead of Making Assumptions
A fear of not being liked or accepted sometimes leads us to assume that we know what others are thinking, but our fears are usually not reality. If you have a fear that a friend or family member’s bad mood is due to something you did, or that your co-workers are secretly gossiping about you when you turn your back, speak up and ask them. Don’t waste time worrying that you did something wrong unless you have proof that there is something to worry about.

4. Refrain from Using Absolutes
Have you ever told a partner “You’re ALWAYS late!” or complained to a friend “You NEVER call me!”? Thinking and speaking in absolutes like ‘always’ and ‘never’ makes the situation seem worse than it is, and programs your brain into believing that certain people are incapable of delivering.

5. Detach From Negative Thoughts
Your thoughts can’t hold any power over you if you don’t judge them. If you notice yourself having a negative thought, detach from it, witness it, and don’t follow it.

6. Squash the “ANTs”
In his book “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life,” Dr. Daniel Amen talks about “ANTs” – Automatic Negative Thoughts. These are the bad thoughts that are usually reactionary, like “Those people are laughing, they must be talking about me,” or “The boss wants to see me? It must be bad!” When you notice these thoughts, realize that they are nothing more than ANTs and squash them!

7. Practice Lovin’, Touchin’ & Squeezin’ (Your Friends and Family)
You don’t have to be an expert to know the benefits of a good hug. Positive physical contact with friends, loved ones, and even pets, is an instant pick-me-up. One research study on this subject had a waitress touch some of her customers on the arm as she handed them their checks. She received higher tips from these customers than from the ones she didn’t touch!

8. Increase Your Social Activity
By increasing social activity, you decrease loneliness. Surround yourself with healthy, happy people, and their positive energy will affect you in a positive way!

9. Volunteer for an Organization, or Help another Person
Everyone feels good after helping. You can volunteer your time, your money, or your resources. The more positive energy you put out into the world, the more you will receive in return.

10. Use Pattern Interrupts to Combat Rumination
If you find yourself ruminating, a great way to stop it is to interrupt the pattern and force yourself to do something completely different. Rumination is like hyper-focus on something negative. It’s never productive, because it’s not rational or solution-oriented, it’s just excessive worry. Try changing your physical environment – go for a walk or sit outside. You could also call a friend, pick up a book, or turn on some music.

When it comes to the corporate world, protocol is pretty much the religion. To know the things needed to do are the basics of productivity, but interaction and having a steady mind makes up the entire thing to true productivity. There are those who seem to work well even under pressure, but they’re uncommon ones and we are human and imperfect. To get these little things like stress under our skins won’t solve our problems. Sometimes it takes a bit of courage to admit that we’re turning to be workaholics than tell ourselves that we’re not doing our best.

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This is from an email that I received today from Kimmy On of Brunei….thanks, Kimmy! I find the artwork really amazing and incredible….but I let you be the judge!

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Great Crevasse by Edgar Mueller. Together with up to five assistants, Mueller painted all day long from sunrise to sunset. The picture appeared on the East Pier in Dun Laoghaire, Ireland, as part of the town’s Festival of World Culture.

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He spent five days, working 12 hours a day, to create the 250 square metre image of the crevasse, which, viewed from the correct angle, appears to be 3D. He then persuaded passers-by to complete the illusion by pretending the gaping hole was real.

‘I wanted to play with positives and negatives to encourage people to think twice about everything they see,’ he said. ‘It was a very scary scene, but when people saw it they had great fun playing on it and pretending to fall into the earth. ‘I like to think that later, when they returned home, they might reflect more on what a frightening scenario it was and say, “Wow, that was actually pretty scary”.’


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This is another interesting story that I have received from a few contacts over the past couple of months. I am reproducing it here for the benefit of those who have not read this story.

A jobless man applied for the position of ‘office boy’ at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him clean the floor as a test.

“You are employed.” he said. “Give me your e-mail address and I’ll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start.”

The man replied, “But I don’t have a computer, neither an email.”

“I am sorry” said the HR manager. “If you don’t have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn’t exist, cannot have the job.”

The man left with great disappointment. He didn’t know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60.

The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled everyday.

Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US. He started to plan his family’s future, and decided to have a life insurance.

He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded the broker asked him for his email.

The man replied, “I don’t have an email.”

The broker answered curiously, “You don’t have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an e mail?”

The man thought for a while and replied, “Yes, I would be an office boy at Microsoft!”

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I was sending my son Les to Curtin University yesterday afternoon when we saw a fuel or chemical tanker lying on its side right at the roundabout near the Senadin shophouses. There were a lot of vehicles parked near the roundabout and I had to weave my way carefully past the vehicles and the tanker.

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After dropping Les off, I parked my car next to one of the shops in Senadin to take a look at the unusual accident and also to have my lunch at a coffeeshop next to the roundabout. As I approached the tanker, I took a photo of it and a man who saw me taking the photo shouted at me to stop taking photos and told me to delete the photos that I had taken. I ignored him and just stood there watching a group of men attaching winches to the tanker. The men worked at it for a couple of hours with the help of a large crane and two smaller cranes. They dislodged the big fuel tank from the vehicle and then the cranes were used to hoist the vehicle on to a trailer. It was interesting to watch how these men managed to get the work done.

There was a fire engine and firemen on standby in case of fire or spills. Fortunately their services were not required.

Fire fighters and a fire engine on standby.

Firemen and a fire engine on standby.

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We can learn a lot from kids if we can just slow down and spend time to really listen to them. Very often we are so caught up in our busyness that we fail miserably as parents. The following two stories can teach us a lot.

An Empty Gift

A father punished his 3-year old daughter for wasting a piece of gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and he became angry when her little daughter tried to decorate a box for no apparent reasons. Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift to her father the next morning and said, “This is for you daddy.”

He was embarrassed by his over-reaction the previous day but his anger flared again when he found that the box was empty. He yelled at her, “Don’t you know that when you give someone a present, there’s supposed to be something inside of it?”

The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, “Oh daddy, it is not empty. I blew lots of kisses into the box just for you.”

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little girl and asked for her forgiveness. The man kept that gold box by his bed for years. Whenever he was discouraged, he would take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there. Each of us parents has been given a gold container filled with unconditional love and kisses from our children. We should treasure it as our most priceless possession.

Are We Rich Or Poor?

A wealthy man took his son to the country intending to show his son how poor people can be. They spent a few days on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from the trip, the father asked his son, “Son, how was the trip?”

“It was great, Dad.”

“Did you see how poor people can be?” the father asked.

“Oh yeah, ” said the son.

“So what did you learn from the trip?” saked the father.

The son answered, “I saw that we have one dog and they have four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our gardens and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.”

Hearing this, the boy’s father was speechless. Then his son added, “Thanks dad for showing me how poor we are.”

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humanbody

It takes your food seven seconds toget from your mouth to your stomach.


One human hair can support 3kg (6.6 lb).

The average man’s penis is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person’s skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men are still busy checking their thumbs.
rolf...ha ha ha!

rolf...ha ha ha!


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There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend who was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, “If I could only see the world, I will marry you.”

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything.

Her boyfriend asked her, “Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?”

The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She had not expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying : “Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.”

This is how the human brain often works when our status changed. Only a few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Please remember that life is a gift.

Today before you say an unkind word – Think of someone who can’t speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food – Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or your wife – Think of someone who’s crying out to God for a companion.

Today before you complain about life – Think of someone who died too early on this earth.

Before you complain about your children – Think of someone who desires children but they are barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn’t clean or sweep – Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive – Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job – Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another – Remember that not one of us is without imperfection.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down – Put a smile on your face and think ” I’m alive and still around.”

May you experience the joy of REALLY living!

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